Random Thoughts: A College Football Year Without A Santa Claus

It was Rivalry Saturday with a little bit of craziness but no major upsets. With the onset of a faulty free agency system and the bane that is the bonus super senior eligibility, this season is one that might needs some asterisks. After former NCAA President/Nimrod Mark Emmert counted up all his money, he salted the earth as he strolled to his limo and to his private plane that whisked him off to some tropical island retirement. Left behind in his wake were a transfer system with little to no accountability, unmonitored payments, and guys who should be long out of eligibility beating up on teenagers. Soon the Curse of 2020 will expire, but the transfer and NIL models need to be fixed. But for now, we are stuck with the Emmert Fallout of bought teams.

Alabama 27 Auburn 24 - We told you all last week: Weird things happen in that dump they call Jerdin Hair Stadium. Mix in the absolute worst officiating crew in FBS and it spells potential disaster for the Crimson Tide. Bama should have gone up 14-0 after two possessions, but an iffy holding call negated a 40 yard scoring run by WR Kendrick Law. That call changed the entire complexion of the game and gave the Tigers life. Alabama struggled to slow the running game of Jarquez Hunter (93 yds), Damari Alston (85), and godawful QB Payton Thorne (57). Aubie took a 24-20 lead with 10:15 to go. Alabama responded with a pair of 3-and-outs. On the second punt, the War Tiger Plainsmen punt returner muffed the boot and Jihaad Campbell recovered at the AUB 30. On the fifth play of the possession, Bama converted a 4th and short to get down to the 7 yard line. The Tide proceeded to go backwards with a 1 yard loss, a wrongly perceived errant snap that lost 18 yards (more on that below), and an illegal forward pass that put them at 4th & goal at AUB 31 with under a minute to go. That is when Jalen Milroe found Isaiah Bond in the for the winning score.

Florida 24 Florida State 15 - This was an ugly-ass game with a pair of back-up quarterbacks getting their first career starts. The two teams combined for 456 total yards. There is NO way that FSU is a top 4 team without Travis Jordan.

Michigan 30 Ohio State 24 - Cheaters prosper. And of course the idiot fans stormed the field like a bunch of hicks.

Washington 24 Washington State 21 - Stop me if you have heard this one before: UW wins a close one by one score against a meh team. Michael Penix was crap (18/33, 204 pass, 2 TD, 1 INT, -9 rush yds) as the Huskies were outgained 306 to 381. Even so, Washy hit a 42-yard game winning field goal as time expired.

The PAC refs bailed out UW a bit (BIG surprise, huh?) on the game winning drive. Washington was facing a 4th-and-1 from its own 29-yard line with a minute to play. The Huskies converted after a Wazzu defender was flagged for roughing the passer on a borderline call. Penix was hit slightly late after delivering the ball, but the Cougar appeared to let up and did not fall on top of Penix or drive the QB to the ground. I’m sure he wish he had now.

SEC

Georgia 31 Georgia Tech 23 - UGA had their BIG TOUGH OOC game “on the road” in Atlanta, though there were more Dwags fans in Bobby Dodd Stadium than those of the Yeller Jackets. It wasn’t as easy as they thought it would be. This is who Georgia is without Brock Bowers and Ladd McHonkey. Hmm. So, it is a big difference when your top two receivers are out. Huh, UGA?

Tech led 7-0 in the first quarter and 10-7 in the second before the Bulldogs answered with 24 consecutive points to lead 31-13 late in the third. But the Techsters were not going to roll over. They scored the next ten points and kept the Bulldogs off the scoreboard in the 4th.

LSU 42 Texas A&M 30 - The Tigers defense wanked around enough to give TAMU hope of an upset. The Agg had a 24-14 midway through the 3rd quarter until Jayden Daniels finally woke up and realized they were playing a team with a fake army and interim coach, and outscored their opponents 28-6 the rest of the way.

Ole Miss 17 Mississippi State 7 - At the Thanksgiving dinner table, my brother asked me what I thought the outcome of the Egg Bowl would be. I told him I figured Ole Miss would win by double digits. What I didn’t tell him was that I thought the two teams would combine for 24 points and the Rebs double digit win would be ten. Because those would have been lies. The whole first half was an offensive struggle for both teams with only an OM field goal accounting for points. The second half was a little better, but still it was a battle to get anything resembling a competent offense going.

MSU (5-7) had a confusing, convoluted season. They have a new head coach and starting quarterback Will Rogers has tweeted a goodbye to the Clanga-clangs. Leading receiver Lideatrick “Tulu” Griffin might go pro while and others players might be up for grabs soon as well.

Missouri 48 Arkansas 14 - Any fleeting hope that the Hogs had of hanging with Mizzou dissolved into thin air after starting QB KJ Jefferson went down nine minutes into the first quarter. Jefferson’s fumble on the play in which he got injured was the first of five fumbles lost for Arky on the day. Mizz’s Cody Schrader did all the heavy lifting for the Tigers, picking up 217 rushing yards on 27 carries.

It really was an awful season for the Razorbacks (4-8). For some reason, Piggie Nation is still enamored with their coach, Sam Pittman. I think it is probably because of his grandfatherly demeanor. He is 23–25 overall and 11–23 in the SEC. Jefferson has a bonus super season available to him. If he uses it, it would be surprising to see him back in Fayetteville taking snaps behind that turnstile OL.

Kentucky 38 Louisville 31 - UK almost blew this game late when QB Devin Leary tried to be a hero and threw up a lame duck easily intercepted by the Cards. The ‘Ville would tie it up with two and a half minutes to go. The Wildcats needed only four plays to drive the ball 75 yards for the go ahead score. A ‘Cats interception in the end zone sealed the win.

In short, the seventh or eighth best SEC team beat the second best ACC team in their house.

Clemson 16 South Carolina 7 - One touchdown apiece for these two Palmetto bugs. Tigers QB Cade Klubnik was pretty awful (15-27, 100 YDS, 1 INT), but the SCar offensive attack was worse. The Gamecocks managed only 169 yards of offense. Spencer Rattler, who was once upon a time hailed as a Heisman candidate, ends his college career on a clunker (16-32, 112 YDS, 1 INT). Now all he has to do is sit back and wait for the Atlanta Falcons to waste a 6th round draft pick on him.

SEC VS CUPCAKES

Tennessee 48 Vanderbilt 24 - Nobody cares.

OTHER STUFF

Iowa 13 Nebraska 10 - This game was exactly the abomination that everybody thought it would be. With a record low over/under of 24.5, these two teams played grab ass for 60 minutes until the Cornhuskers derped one time too many. The Hawkeye fans want to flex that their defense is just so amazing. Truth is, Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz made a deal with Satan that any team that is equal to their ability will automatically make the dumbest mistakes of their lives.

Oregon 31 Oregon State 7 - NEWS FLASH: DJ Uiageleeiele still sucks: 19-35, 220 YDS, 1 TD, 1 INT. Good luck in the USFL!

Oklahoma 69 TCU 45 - It’s 11 months later but the Horned Frogs (5-7) finally close the book on the farce that was their inclusion in the 2022 CFP.

Utah 23 Colorado 17 - Where are all the Deion believers with their hot takes now? The Buffs finish 4-8 while losing their last six games.

WORST PASS OF THE WEEK

Bro. What are you doing?

SORE LOSERS OF THE WEEK

Coach Brent Pry brought his Hokies team back on the field to take a picture following the 55-17 win over UVA. Virginia turned the sprinklers on.

IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE NOEL...

But of course a guy named “Noel” is gonna score in the snow.

STILL CULTURE ISSUES IN GAINESVILLE

Can you imagine a player doing that to a Nick Saban assistant?

GROSSEST PENALTY OF HE WEEK

Did I mention the culture problem at Florida?

CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT! Kitten fight. Kitten fight...

Imagine having Vanderbilt as your big hated rival. (quote reference)

THE INSTIGATOR NEVER GETS CAUGHT

Number 6 for Arky was not ejected.

DO YOU KISS YOUR MOTHER WITH THAT MOUTH?

NAME OF THE WEEK

CATCH/INTERCEPTION OF THE WEEK

BAD ANALOGY OF THE WEEK

Did he really compare his football team to the first wave of brave soldiers who stormed Normandy Beach during WWII??

COMING FULL CIRCLE

PEACE OUT WATCH

We thought we might see a third straight peace out from LSU this year (following Derek Stingley and Kayshon Boutte), but the real watch happened out west. You may recall that Deion’s baby boy took himself out of the Buffaloes game two Saturdays ago after taking yet another beating behind center for having “numbness” in a hand. In the final game of the season for Colorado, quarterback Shedeur Sanders decided not to play against Utah and was later reported that he had a “fracture in his back”. If he declares for the 2024 NFL Draft, then it sure looks like he was quitting. If he returns to the dumpster fire in Boulder, The Real Slim Sheddy probably had an injury (though he probably quit too. Can you blame him? That team is a mess).

TROLLS OF THE WEEK

Virginia Tech fans rushed the field - in Charlottesville! Can you imagine what would happen if visiting fans rushed the field of a home losing team in the SEC?

As for Va Tech, they destroyed the Cavaliers 55-17 for win number 6. I suppose they kinda like Coach Brent Pry... for now. He will have to do better next season, his third in Blacksburg.

SADDEST FANS OF THE WEEK

WEIRDEST RITUAL OF THE WEEK

WTF is going on here? Is swaying after games some kind of freshmen requirement? Are they being graded on it?

CAIN AND ABEL MOMENT OF THE WEEK

Texas Messiah Arch Manning finally made his first college football appearance with the Longhorns up 50-7 and it was... rather meh. In the 57-7 rout over Texas Tech, the third-teamer was 2 for 5 passing for 30 yards, no TDs, no INTs, though he did have a fumble recovered by a teammate. He also had four rushes that netted seven yards.

STATS OF THE WEEK

• Missy State linebacker Nathaniel Watson had two solo tackles and 19 assists in his final college game against Ole Miss.
• anOhio State head coach Ryan Day has lost three straight games to Michigan.
• Terrion Arnold had interceptions on the last play of both the first half and the second half.
• Remember LSU and Auburn castoff QB TJ Finley? He finished his first season with Texas State with 3,287 passing yards and a 68.8 completion rate. He also threw 24 touchdowns against 8 INTs, plus 5 rushing TDs. I’d wager he would have been a better option at quarterback than anything Auburn had this season.

CHEAP SHOT/EGREGIOUS MISSED REFEREE CALL OF THE WEEK, Part 1

Targeting, blindside block, unnecessary roughness, and taunting/unsportsmanlike conduct all rolled into one. The ref must have been busy contemplating becoming a Swiftie.

CHEAP SHOT/EGREGIOUS MISSED REFEREE CALL OF THE WEEK, Part 2

Watch the crimson helmet. Aubie dickhead Cam Riley gave Tide WR Jermaine Burton a good smack to the head after a touchdown. Burton did not retaliate and of course no flag was thrown. The ref was busy playing Candy Crush on his phone and could not be bothered.

CHEAP SHOT/EGREGIOUS MISSED REFEREE CALL OF THE WEEK, Part 3

Everyone was all over Seth McLaughlin’s back for the early snap - a previous issue that he had cleaned up. As it turns out, everyone owes him a big apology. Upon further review, you can see the Auburn safety clap his hands which made the Tide center react. This should have been a 5-yard “disconcerting signals” penalty on Auburn for mimicking the offensive signals. But no. The zebras were busy trying to figure out if they were looking at the North Star or Jupiter.

YOU MAKE THE CALL!

It’s not that hard. really. There were so many bad calls, but let’s move on.

GAMEDAY SIGN OF THE WEEK

Agreed. Except for that very last line.

THE WACKY WORLD OF DESI

Desmond Howard really is an idiot. GameDay reporter Pete Thamel was forced to do his live shots on the broadcast from inside Michigan Stadium due to some threats he had received from Michigan fans due to his reporting on the Wolverine’s sign-stealing scandal. Howard tried to downplay it like it was no big deal. It only takes one a-hole, Desi. I’m thinking that ESPN needs to clean house except for Rece Davis and Kirk Herbstreit.

College GameDay and SEC Nation will be in Atlanta. FOX Noon Kickoff will again be kissing up to Michigan in Indianapolis.

ADOPT-A-TEAM

• New Mexico State (10-3) wraps up an astounding regular season with a 20-17 victory over Jacksonville State on a 42 yard field goal at the buzzer. NMSU will now play in the C-USA Championship Game versus Liberty and 99.9% of the nation will be rooting for them.
• UNLV (9-3) lost to San Jose State 37-31. Even still, what a fine job Barry Odom did with the Runnin’ Rebs after years of futility in Vegas.
• Tulane (11-1, 8-0 AAC) topped UTSA 29-16 for an undefeated the AAC regular season.
• Jamey Chadwell (42-6 over the last four seasons)

COUSINS

• Troy (10-2) - The Trojans dumped Southern Miss 35-17. Troy will face James Madison [NOPE! Stupid NCAA rule] App State (8-4) in the Sun Belt title game played in Troy.
• South Alabama (6-6) - The Jags got off to a disastrous start against Texas State, giving up a scoop and score on their first play of game. This was followed by two 3-and-outs that put TSU up 24-0 in the first quarter. USA was forced to play catch up all game long but eventually fell 52-44. It was a disappointing season after starting the season strong including an upset rout over now #20 Oklahoma State. At least the Jaguars are heading to a bowl.
• Jacksonville State (8-4) - The Gamecocks fell to upstart New Mexico State 20-17. JSU finished the season 1-2 but 8 winning in their first FBS season is nothing to be ashamed of.

THAT ANNOYING GUY WHO ONLY BRINGS EMPTY TUPPERWARE TO THANKSGIVING

• UAB (4-8) - The Dragons blew a two touchdown lead at the half to fall to North Texas 45-42. The Mean Green (5-7) kicked a 32 yard field goal as time expired for the win.

Trent Dilfer’s first campaign in B’ham was pretty dang awful. It was almost as if he had no college coaching experience at all. This is the first season since their 2017 resurrection from the dead that UAB will not be going to a bowl game.

SALUTE TO OUR TROOPS

Photo by Christopher Hook/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

• Air Force (8-4) - The Falcons’ 27-19 loss to Boise represented their fourth straight defeat of the 2023 season. Part of the blame goes to the loss of QB Zac Larrier to injury early in Game 10 at Hawaii. However, he played all of Game 9, which was a defeat to Army.
• Army (5-6) - The Black Knights did not play.
• Navy (5-6) - The Midshipmen got hammered by SMU 59-14.

The Army (-2) vs Navy game is December 9. Winner goes to a bowl. Loser’s season is over.

ELIMINATED FROM PLAYOFF CONTENTION

Eliminated: All non-P5s, Notre Dame, Clemson, Duke, UNC, Boston College, Louisville, Miami-FL, NC State, Syracuse, Virginia, Wake, Pitt, Virginia Tech, Georgia Tech, Baylor, Oklahoma, Houston, Iowa State, K-State, Kansas, West Virginia, BYU, Cincinnati, Center Florida, Oklahoma State, TCU, Texas Tech, Rutgers, Sparty, Maryland, Minnie, Nebraska, Northwestern, Iowa, Purdue, Penn State, Illinois, Indiana, Wisconsin, Arizona State, Arizona, Colorado, Stanford, Cal, Southern Cal, Oregon State, Utah, UCLA, Wazzu, South Carolina, Kentucky, Vanderbilt, Tennessee, Mizz, LSU, Missy State, Arky, Auburn, Florida, Texas A&M, Mizzou, Ole Miss NEW: n/a

Endangered: Texas, Oregon NEW: n/a

Extremely Endangered: FSU NEW: Alabama, Ohio State, Washington

Other: Michigan, Georgia

A way WAY WAY too early look at the College Football Playoff (CFP) picture:

1. Michigan +800 to +750 to +700 to +475 to +400 to +340 to +280 to +225 to +240 to +220 to +210 to +260 to +190 (bet $100 to win $190)
2. Georgia +220 to+240 to +230 to +300 to +260 to +280 to +275 to +240 to +260 to +240 to +205
3. Oregon to +1600 to +1400 to +2500 to +3000 to +1400 to +1000 to +850 to +600 to +500
4. Alabama +600 to +550 to +2500 to +4000 to +4000 to +2500 to +2000 to +1400 to +900 to +650 to +700 to +900
5. Texas +2200 to +1000 to +800 to +750 to +1800 to +2200 to +1600 to +1500 to +2000 to +1400 to +900
6. Washington to +1500 to +1200 to +800 to +1200 to +1400 to +1100 to +1300 to +1400 to +1600
7. FSU +2000 to +1100 +1000 drop to +1200 to +800 to +900 to +800 to +700 to +600 to +600 to +950 to +3000 to +3000
8. Ohio State +700 to +750 to +900 +1200 to +1000 to +800 to +750 to +900 to +800 to +700 to +750 to +700 to +800 to +550 to +5000
9. Iowa !!!! enters at +100000

Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.

• ACC - hay had some real struggles against a reeling Florida Gators team. This team is not Playoff caliber without Jordan Travis (or is it Travis Jordan?). Louisville is an overrated team with a lame-ass schedule. Can they do us all a favor and upset the ‘Noles?
• Big 12 - Everyone was hoping for a Texas-Oklahoma rematch. But being the big dumb jerks they are, Oklahoma State came back from a 24-6 deficit to defeat BYU in double overtime and claim the second spot in the B12CG... where they will get hammered.
• Big Ten - Michigan continues their leisurely stroll through the B1G with stupid Iowa as the last hurdle before the playoff.
• PAC-12 - Washington-Oregon II.
• SEC - Who was the last team to beat Georgia? Alabama.
• Indies - Notre Dame
• Non-Power 5

NON-POWER 5 QUAGIMRE

It’s perhaps the weakest bunch of non-P5s in quite a long time.

• Tulane (11-1), AAC, ranked 23 in last week’s CFP Poll - The Green Wave faces a tough SMU (10-2) in the AACCG.
• Liberty (12-0), C-USA, ranked 25 in last week’s CFP Poll - Clearly, strength of schedule does not mean diddly-squat to the CFPC. So, why not rank the Flames and their turd slate of JV School for the Wayward Blind Girls Nurses?
• Toledo (11-1), MAC - The Rockets face Miami-OH (10-2) in the MACCG.

RANK ‘EM IF YOU GOT ‘EM

The final rankings of the season will be unveiled on Sunday, Dec. 3 at 11am/noon on ESPN. They are deadset on screwing Bama, so here is a different kind of rankings that might be more interest.

Most Forgettable Songs (and some acts) from the 2000s that Hit #1:

1. “Butterfly” by Crazy Town (2001)
2. “Incomplete” by Sisqó (2000)
3. “Doesn’t Really Matter” by Janet Jackson (2000)
4. “Ain’t It Funny” by Jennifer Lopez feat. Ja Rule (2002)
5. “Angel” by Shaggy (2001)
6. “Maria Maria” by Santana feat. The Product G&B (2000)
7. “Bump, Bump, Bump” by B2K (2003)
8. “I Believe” by Fantasia (2004)
9. “Slow Motion” by Juvenile feat. Soulja Slim (2004)
10. “Laffy Taffy” by D4L (2006)

Poor Millennials...

CB’s POLL

Based on how they are playing now and who should be the “best four”.

1. Georgia
2. Michigan
3. Alabama
4. Oregon

* By all means, please give us your Top 4 (or 8 or 9 or 10 or...) in the Comments section.

LET’S GO BOWLING!

• The Military Bowl signed a 3-year deal with GoBowling dot com as presenting sponsor. So now the game is the Bowling Bowl?
• There ended up being 79 bowl-eligible teams to fill 82 spots. Due to the dearth of qualifying teams, JMU and JSU earned bids. In addition, one team with a 5-7 record, Minnesota, was needed to fill out the final bowl commitment. The Gophers get this gift because of goodly book-learning or some such thing.
• Power-5 teams that won all their conference games are Alabama, Florida State, Georgia, Michigan, and Washington.
• Nine of 14 SEC teams are bowl eligible: Bama, UGA, OM, Tenn, Mizz, UK, LSU, TAMU, and Aubie.
• The ACC is flexing on their 12 bowl teams but four of them are 6-6. Only Auburn is at .500 in the SEC and they would probably beat most ACC teams.
• The only teams still undefeated are FSU, Georgia, Washington, Michigan, and Liberty.

LET’S GO BLOWING!

• BREAK THEM UP! Sam Houston defeated Middle Tennessee 23-20. The Bearkats (3-9) rebounded to finish 3-1 after losing the first 8 games of the season.
• With their loss to Bowling Green on Wednesday, the Fightin’ Nick Sabans of Kent State were crowned Mr. Irrelevants as the only team to finish 1-11. Vanderbilt, ULM, East Carolina, Akron, and Nevada all finished 2-10.
• Vanderbilt and ULM own the nation’s longest current losing streak at ten straight. Tennessee is the final test for the Commodores. #RelegateVandy
• 50 teams have 7 or more losses each. Among the newest teams in this category are Florida, Mississippi St., South Carolina, TCU, Washington St., Minnesota, Nebraska, BYU, and Illinois.
• Power 5 teams that did not defeat a fellow P5 in 2023 are as follows: Vanderbilt. #RelegateVandy
• BYU, Houston, Center Florida and Cincy’s first foray into big boy football ended with a combined record of 8-28 in B12 games with most of the conference wins coming against each other. Only Center Florida at 6-6 will be playing in a bowl game.

Krazy Kristi’s “SHUT UP!” of the Week goes to the legend or reality of the Make Up Call. Is it real? If it is, it is some serious Bull S**t. In basketball, it’s okay because there are many other scoring opportunities in a game. But in football, it can change the entire complexion of a game.

HEISMAN HYPE

So, the idiots keep hyping Michael Penix and Bo Nix for shredding the godawful secondaries of the soon-to-be-defunct Pal-12. But where are their all-important Heisman moments? You know who has had a Heisman moment? A quarterback named Jalen from Texas but not the guy currently on the Eagles. Why not Jalen Milroe for Heisman? You want a great story for the ESPNs? How about his journey from benched against USF to superstar hero?

But that is not going to happen. There is some kind of anti-Alabama collaboration going on this season and I can’t quite put my finger on it. But it would be nice if he was invited to make the trip to New York City.

As for Bo, it would be more salt on the wound of Auburn fans if he was to win. But then again, you know they would try to take credit (even though they basically ran their former favorite son out of town on a rail). If you have seen the graphics, ESPN LOVES espousing his completion percentage. And yes, 78.6% is an incredible number and one that leads the nation. But the dude dinks and dunks - so many of his passes are shorties with YAC (yards after catch). Penix does a lot of this too and quite frankly has been pretty inconsistent (65.6 CMP%) all year. He has stretches in games where he bumbles around. AND most important, both of these guys are almost in their mid-20s.

Jayden Daniels has a 72.2 CMP% and is third in total yards. But his completions average (11.7) is a full two yards more than Bo (9.7) and 2.6 than Penix (9.1). He also has more passing TDs (40) and has run for 1,134 yards with ten more scores. Nix has 159 rushing yards. Penix is at -14. Without Daniels, LSU would be 6-6. As much as I would dislike seeing an LSU player win another Trophy so soon, he is probably the most deserving.

Below are just some of the top Heisman picks in order of the money lines. Odds are provided by DraftKings and many more options can be seen at that link under the AWARDS tab. [Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.]

1. QB Bo Nix (5th FULL YR, never redshirted, Oregon) +1000 to +900 to +600 to +2000 to +1600 to +600 to +210 to +120 to +150 to -160
2. QB Jayden Daniels (4th FULL YR with RS, LSU) +1100 to +3000 to +2200 +1800 to +2500 to +3500 to +1400 to +340 to +400 to OFF THE BOOKS (due to his injury vs Bama) to +380 to -125 to +130
3. QB Michael Penix (6th YR, started college in 2018, Washington) from +1600 to +900 to +550 to +400 to +380 to +200 to -140 to +320 to +280 to +140 to +300 to +600 to +1500
4. QB Jalen Milroe (3rd YR, Bama) +12000 to +10000 to +9000 to +5000 to +8000 to +5000 to +4500 to +15000 to +10000
5. RB Ollie Gordon (2nd YR, Oklahoma State) +4000 to +20000 to astronomical to +15000
6. QB Carson Beck (4th YR, Georgia) to +3000 to +1200 to +4500 to +6000 to +15000
7. WR Marvin Harrison Jr. (3rd YR, anOhio State) +2000 to +1600 to +1200 to +1800 to +450 to +4000 to +20000
8. RB Blake Corum (4th YR, Michigan) out of nowhere to +20000 to +30000

HEISMAN SCHEDULE

• Monday, Nov. 27, 2023: Heisman Ballots Distributed
• Monday, Dec 4, 2023: Heisman Voting Deadline
• Monday, Dec. 4, 2023: Heisman Finalists Announced
• Saturday, Dec. 9, 2023, 8 pm ET: Heisman Ceremony on ESPN

THE SICK REPORT

• Michigan star offensive lineman Zak Zinter was carted off the field with a serious left leg injury late in the third quarter against Ohio State on Saturday. In a Facebook post later in the day, Zinter’s mother said that Zak suffered a broken tibia and fibula and underwent surgery for the fractures Saturday evening. OWIE!
• Kirby Smart held TE Brock Bowers, WR Ladd McConkey, WR RaRa Thomas, and OL Tate Ratledge out of the Georgia Tech game. All are all day to day. Don’t be fooled. They are all playing on Saturday.
• Steve Sarkisian said that defensive backs Ryan Watts and Austin Jordan are both questionable for the B12CG.

DRAMA

• Remember a few years ago when Tennessee wanted to hire Greg Schiano but the Vols’ AD wilted under the Twitter rage mob storm? Well, a similar thing happened last Saturday when the Aggies tried bring in Kentucky head coach Mark Stoops. The uneducated Fake Army Cult won this one too as the TAMU AD backed off an alleged offer.
• Dave Aranda had a powwow with his higher ups at Baylor and saved his job for another year. The former LSU DC is 23–25 in four seasons but 9-16 over the last two campaigns and 3-9 this year.
• I suppose the $5 million fee was not high enough to scare off FCS programs who want to move up to FBS. Delaware has decide to take the plunge and join the ever-weakening Conference USA in 2025-26.
• TE coach Tim Brewster resigned from Colorado with no new job lined up. He was once head coach at Minnesota and now he has to serve as Deion’s scapegoat? Screw that!

• A little passive aggressive, huh Dave? But it’s aimed at Notre Dame, so it is acceptable.
• Reports have it that Syracuse is targeting Georgia defensive backs assistant Fran Brown for their head-coaching vacancy
• Kansas State starting QB Will Howard intends to enter the NCAA Transfer Portal. No thanks.
• The portal will officially open on Monday, Dec. 4, 2023, and close Jan. 3, 2024.

KOACHES KORNER

• Texas A&M hired Duke coach Mike Elko and it was weirder than you can imagine. Elko grew up in New Jersey (LOL) and played his college ball at Penn. He should fit right in. He bounced around various assistant jobs before landing in College Station as DC from 2018–2021 for what that is worth. He led the 2022 Blue Devils to a 9-4 record and a bowl win. This season, the Dookies started 4-0 and made it all the way up to #16 ranking before spiraling down to 7-5. The common denominator of his success was over-performing QB Riley Leonard. Once he got injured, Duke went down the tubes. I can’t see how this is any better of a hire than Jimbo Fisher or Kevin Sumlin or Mike Sherman for that matter.
• Oregon State’s cupboard must be heading towards bare after this season. Why? Beavers alum and favorite son Jonathan Smith has decided to leave his alma mater in the rear view mirror and take the job at scandal-ridden Michigan State. Smith was making $4.85M per year in small town Corvallis. His predecessor Mel Tucker was making $9.5M. BTW, the last time an Oregon State coach left the Beavers to join a B1G team was Mike Riley at Nebraska. It did not end well.
• Houston fired permanent bad hair day coach Dana Holgorsen after five seasons. This dude took a rare step down from West Virginia to take over the Coogs and underwhelmed his way to a 31–28 record.

• Shocking absolutely nobody, Indiana fired Tom Allen. He’ll get a $15.5 million buyout. He was 33–49 overall and 18–43 in the B1G over seven season.
• Some rumors had been floating around about Dabo Swinney uprooting his life in Clemson and moving west to Texas A&M. It didn’t happen but it was and is of our opinion that Dabo’s run is over with the program called “Auburn with a lake”. He has run out of gimmicks and pep talks and his whole philosophy has grown stale. A change would probably do him good. And what better place for a cult leader to go than to TAMU? He already looks like one of those Yell leaders. But it was not to be. Will he look at other jobs? If not, he is back to being second tier Clempson.
• Missy State hired former Ole Miss and Oklahoma OC Jeff Lebby as the next head coach. It is his first head job. He might be okay.
• Dana Dimel was fired after going 20-49 in six years at UTEP.
• Also canned was former Samford/Auburn/North Alabama/Akron/ULM coach Terry Bowden. How does that guy keep getting jobs? With a 10-26 record over the last three season in Monroe and his 68th birthday creeping up on him, it feels like this might be his last roundup.
• Urban Meyer has withdrawn his name for consideration of all jobs because they are not awesome enough for him.
• Fat F*** Phil Fulmer can go fk himself for Christmas.

TEEVEE

The 2023 Iron Bowl marked the last regular season SEC game broadcast by CBS. Gary Danielson knew it too because he was King Kong sized obnoxious. It is amazing that a guy who has watched as much football and played as much football as him can know so little about the rules of the game. And my lawd, CBS is the worst on replays. They must have shown that facemask non-call like ten times in a row. What point were they trying to prove? But then on other infractions - most of which they missed - nothing. One more torture to go...

THIS WEEK - HOW TO WATCH, Y’ALL!

Below are all the Conference Championship Games. Lines are provided by DraftKings.

Friday, November 1

Pac-12 Championship: Oregon (-9.5) vs. Washington 7pm/8pm ABC (Las Vegas)

C-USA Championship: New Mexico State at Liberty (-10) 7pm/8pm CBSSN

Saturday, December 2

Big 12 Championship: Oklahoma State vs. Texas (-15) 11am/Noon ABC (JerryWorld)

MAC Championship: Miami (Ohio) vs. Toledo (-7.5) 11am/Noon ESPN (Detroit)

American Athletic Championship: SMU at Tulane (-5.5) 3pm/4pm ABC

Sun Belt Championship: Appalachian State at Troy (-6.5) 3pm/4pm ESPN

Big Ten Championship: Michigan (-23) vs. Iowa 7pm/8pm FOX (Indianapolis)

ACC Championship: Louisville vs. Florida State (-2.5) 7pm/8pm ABC (Charlotte)

SABAN vs. POP & BEAR

Below is a count of career FBS/Division I-A win totals for coaches.

For those of you new to RBR Random Thoughts, we count all on-field wins at the FBS/Division I-A level. So, before you go squawking about Frank Beamer, 42 of his wins came at Murray State. Mack Brown had six victories in one season with Appalachian State when they were still in what was known at I-AA (FCS today). Brian Kelly won 118 games with something called Grand Valley State. So, let’s stop talking about his win record with such reverence. In addition, we don’t recognize NCAA sanctioned forfeits. If you won on the field, it counts in our books.

After a 39-20 thrashing at the hands of NC State, Mack Brown drops back another game. At one time, the overrated Tar Heels were ranked as high as No. 10. Now at 8-4, they are unranked.

#ALABAMA

• I cannot stop any of you celebrating the 2023 Iron Bowl. But I believe we are unanimous on the RBR Masthead that we did not exactly jump up and down after the game winning touchdown. We were more relieved than happy, but disappointed that it was this close. We also don’t name our wins over the barn like those sap heads do. And for the record, Jalen Milroe did not throw a Hail Mary. That was a targeted pass to his best - and most open - receiver. A Hail Mary is when you throw it into a crowd with no target in mind. So at the very least, let’s leave that term out of this discussion. Okay, rant over...
• ICYMI, the ridiculously inept officiating crew for the Iron Bowl was Jason Autrey’s crew. They are the imbeciles who gave Tennessee the game against Alabama last season as well as the infamous blown call on Auburn’s Bo Nix spike/fumble against Arkansas a few years ago among other atrocities. Okay, that rant is over too...
• Milroe was named the SEC Offensive Player of the Week. Kadyn Proctor is Co-Freshman of the Week.
• Saturday’s Iron Bowl win was the Tide’s 11th of the season. It marks the 27th time in program history that UA has recorded an 11-win season and the 15th under Nick Saban.
• The 2023 campaign also marks the 13th straight season with 11 wins under Saban, the longest streak of its kind in Southeastern Conference history.
• Alabama finished the season a perfect 8-0 in SEC play to mark the sixth perfect conference finish during the Saban era. The Tide also went 8-0 in 2008, 2009, 2016 and 2018 and finished 2020 at 10-0.
• PFF College calculated that EDGE Dallas Turner had 10 QB Pressures against Auburn.
• Will Reichard added nine points to his career tally. He is now tied for the most career points scored:

1. PK Will Reichard, Alabama 530
2. QB Keenan Reynolds, Navy 530
3. RB Kenneth Dixon, Louisiana Tech 522
4. RB Montee Ball, Wisconsin 500

• LB Deontae Lawson and DB Jaylen Key played the full game without issues.
• RB Jase McClellan was seen on crutches but still in uniform at the end of the Iron Bowl (see video above). He sported a walking boot on his left foot. “He’s had a little foot injury all year long. He tweaked it in the game,” said Saban on the SEC Championship Game teleconference. “So he’ll be day to day this week, but I can’t tell you how much progress it’ll make. Probably the next 48 hours will tell us whether he’ll make the kind of progress he needs to be able to practice some and play in the game.” I shutter at the thought of Roydell Williams getting the bulk of the carries. Maybe HOPEFULLY we see a good deal of Justice Haynes.

GAME 13: Saturday, December 2, 2023 - SEC CHAMPIONSHIP

Alabama Crimson Tide (11-1, 8-0) at Georgia Bulldogs (12-0, 8-0)

Atlanta, GA ~ 2:30pm/3:30pm CBS

• The Bulldogs started the season a bit sluggish. Had the Dwags played teams more competitive, like oh I dunno Oklahoma and LSU for examples, instead of Ball State and South Carolina earlier in the season, they might have a loss or two. However, they were able to play an 8 game exhibition season to hone their skills and get their s**t together. [What would Alabama be ranked if they played Ball State instead of Texas in Week 2?]
• Alabama is 42-26-4 all-time against Georgia. UGA won the last meeting that snapped a seven game losing streak to the Tide.
• The game is played indoors, so weather won’t affect the play. Even so, the forecast in Atlanta calls for a high of 64° with a chance of showers.
• LAST “SHUT UP, GARY!” EVER: TV Announcers will be Brad Nessler and Gary Danielson with Jenny Dell on the sidelines
• Eli Gold will be on Alabama Radio.
• The point spread according to DraftKings has UGA as a -6 favorite as of post. The Over/Under is around 54.5.

Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.